My Academic Thoughts - How Did I Land a PhD?

Doing a PhD was never in my path. I never considered doing one until the day I got an offer. And before you keep reading, let me warn you. This is not a "Tips for getting a PhD" or "How to apply for a graduate program" kind of thing. This is just my experience and the way I fell on it and now feel about. TLDR: I was lucky. I hate it.

I need to say I am lucky to get an offer; many people apply and apply and get nothing. But also, I am intense at work. I got one of the best scores of my batch in my Master's and even got 2nd place in the best thesis in the whole country. I was surprised. Was I looking for it? Not really. I just took my master's as I had been taking any other job: Need to achieve an objective, be as good as I could, and get rid of it as fast as possible.

And maybe that is the thing that made me stand out. I had work experience. The majority of the students did not. I was 30, some of them were 20. For over five years, I had to deal with co-workers, terrible bosses, amazing leaders, rushed deadlines, and many, many, maaany mistakes.  Like a +12.000 USD mistake that needed a solution in 2 minutes kind of mistake. Which in my home country, is even more money than it sounds.

So my fear of failure, compared to my colleague students, was quite low. What if I fail? I don't care. I will figure it out. Fear of my teachers and supervisors at the University? Fear of what? That was my mindset. 

Time to pick a topic for my thesis. I went for one that in that moment, sounded really good: Mapping migration of Ukrainian refugees to other countries. The war had just started, and I was like, "Uh, this could be interesting". Just one issue: Data privacy. So ok, discarded. Other Masters students already had chosen their topic at that point. 

Second topic. Emotions. What if we map how people around the world feel about climate change? Are you hopeful? hopeless? helpless? anxious? It would be cool to see how we feel. Issues: I had no idea how to do it. And time was ticking. I needed to choose now. Tick-Tock

And what did I do? I went away from the country to a Hackathon on the other side of the world.  Anything related to my research? Not really. Was I looking for it? Not at all. Did I pay a dime? The vaccine price. I told you, I am lucky. It was the time to present the proposal, the methodology for our research. Everyone was nervous about it. I didn't have a topic defined. And my approach? Leave.

I met a bunch of random people in the hackathon. People from other masters, professors of other faculties, and PhD candidates I had never seen before. TBH, I was on holiday. I was trying new food from around the world and touring the city where we stayed. Just forgetting about my Masters and the issue of not having a topic. Wanna see pics and guess where I was? Yeah, we all like pics.

So, the 2 or 3 days of the hackathon came. Issue: use a Digital Twin approach to solve an environmental issue of the city. It was like, "Oh shit! right, I came for a hackathon. What the heck is a Digital Twin?" I learned there what it was about. Worked fast on it with the idea of just presenting something. Not much thought, just work a lot, work fast. Result: 1st place. See I'm lucky and intense at work. Tick-Tock.

I came back. One professor whom I had never met approached me. "Good job on winning the hackathon. Why don't you do this as your thesis? Do you want me to supervise you?". Solved. No need to think about a topic. Just had to deal with the drama, the big academic drama, of changing supervisors. 

Yeah, that kind of drama. There is so much ego in academia. It stinks. That situation was a warning. It reached a level that one of my supervisors, from the initial topic, decided to quit his job and move to another university. Most likely, there were other related issues, but it seems this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Am I now the egocentric?

But I solved it, let the professors fight and deal with their egos and expectations, and start to work. I had many fewer months than my colleagues, and one supervisor less (there are usually two, I had one). Tick-Tock. 

I rushed. I started from scratch. Read a bunch of papers. Sketch some ideas. Present my proposal. Keep working. And what did I do with my time? I got an internship and a part-time job. More load. Dumb me.

So three projects at the same time in three different cities. Thank god for remote working. My part-time job was with my new supervisor, which helped. And the internship was in a large international company, it was super fun and simple. Simple, maybe because I already had work experience. I knew what I was doing. Kind of.

The university hired a new professor; he became my second supervisor, and I finished the three things on the last day of the deadline. Always rushing, always at the last minute. Tick-Tock. The three projects were praised... In a way. TBH, I still find them meeehh. Except for the Internship. that was cool, I can't show you tho. NDA. 

Pheeww! I'm done. Tick - Tock. 

Do you know what is ticking? My student visa. No studies or no work, no visa. Can't stay in the country if I don't get any of them. And boom. The newly hired professor position comes with a PhD funding. I keep telling you I am a lucky bastard.

I applied to other jobs. I really did. I keep doing it. But always rejected. The minor issue is that I do not speak this country's language. It is easy to get rejections like that. Where was no rejection? In academia. Did I have to fight for it? No, it was there. Silver plate. Take it. For you, here, here. And I had bills to pay. What is one supposed to do?

That's how I got here. Luck. 

But of course, it doesn't end there. Now I have to work.  Now, I have to deal with many stuff I was not expecting.

First, egos. I told you already they are big in there. "My h-score is 999, I am one of the most cited in my field". Yeah, for me, that is just as getting likes and retweets on Twitter (I will never call it X). So that leads to second. Understanding what academia wants, What they consider "scientific," and what they don't. Understand "the game". Because it is "too engineering and not science enough." Whatever that means.

Third, the politics. This is a pyramid. Not enough space in the upper levels. And the way to climb? That someone pulls you up. So there is a lot of coffee, lunch together, gifts, favors and souvenirs involved. I am not made for that. I am the one who runs away when "we are collecting money to give something to the boss in their birthday". Byeeee. "Look at the kids of the boss, they are so nice children". Sure, sure. Byeee. "I'll bring this gift from the conference to my supervisor". To who? I'm looking for something for my partner, parents and maayyybe my siblings. Oh! this little trinket for myself, hihihi.

Fourth, the mental burden. I meet with my supervisors every other week. I go to present stuff in events and seminars. The load of having something ready all the time is insane. You start to get nervous. And the questioning. God!. "Why this? Why that? Have you considered Dr. Idontknowwho's approach from 1969?" You are second-guessing everything! Is so demanding. And then comes the self-esteem affliction. "Maybe they are right. I am not as smart as I thought. I am not capable of doing this. My colleague published another paper, and I haven't. I'm late". You only have 4 years to finish. Publish or perish.

Fifth, writing. Ugh! I hate writing. I make maps! I like designing and trying stuff. So this one might be for me in particular. Writing, for me, is the worst. And is not like writing this blog that feels natural and people can easily read. No, it has to be in the third person because God forbids scientists to take ownership of their research. "It's to maintain neutrality, to be objective". Bullshit. It is not taking ownership and responsibility of your work. And especially to make it hard to read. There are some papers that I don't understand anything. I feel many people like to write complex expressions just to sound cleaver. It is an ego thing again. Maybe I will write more about this in another post.

Sixth, the microtask overload. "Can you help me with a small thing?" "There is a conference I am holding, can you just help me with registration and maybe the screens?" "I have this lecture, but I can't make it. Can you cover for me?" "I am applying for a grant, do you have some time to read and give me your thoughts?" "We are having a workshop on XXXX; maybe it is interesting for you." "There is a delegation from Somewherland. Can you give a short presentation of your work?". The issue here is that everything sounds interesting, and you can learn many things. So your agenda starts filling up with a bunch of tasks. And your own research? Good, thanks for asking. 

Talking about meetings, I am in one while I write this (Multitask yeiii 🙄). There is another point I want to add. The predominant presence of men in academia!! Just this meeting we are 10 people, 1 female. It is so unbalanced. And there doesn't seem to be much intention of changing that.

Ok, back to the list, and I will try to finish this long post. The final item: publications. Publishers are the real rulers here. Period. Nothing to discuss. You have to pay to get published. You submit a paper; an editor who doesn't edit sends it to reviewers who check and recommend it in their own time without payment. "Keep impartial". You edit, and then it gets published. Cycle length: around 1 year. Afterwards readers many times have to pay to read. You don't own your paper anymore, but you still need to self-promote your results. Get those retweets coming. So money flows from taxpayers to publishers. Researchers are the middlemen who transfer the money. And they don't pay that well for the job. But all of that deserves its own post.

The good side, and maybe one of the reasons I am still here, Is time management. Yeah, I work almost every day. But I decide when to start and when to finish. There are days of normal 8 hours of work. Others of 10. But also some of 3 hours. I can also work from wherever I want. So I can travel and work from another country. Just have to go to the office now and then. Also, there are plenty of holidays. Like Nepal's level of holidays per year. And that I like. 

 

That's it. Now you know how I got into the PhD and how I am doing now that I am starting my second year. Let me know if you feel the same or want to share your experience. I like the tea. For now, I will keep applying for other jobs to see what comes up. In the meantime, I get back to work. That paper is not gonna write itself.